Toxic Relationships: It is Time To Value Yourself

‘Toxic friendships/relationships can be difficult to exit but necessary’

How many times have you felt furious with your relationships? Any relationship that may be. Once, twice, thrice? Once a week, twice a month? Well, it seems you are good to go.

Wait, did you say every day? Then read ahead, it might come in handy.

Why One Deserves Happy Relationships

You spend 18-22 years of your life in school (maybe longer), only to leave school to start a job or a business of your own. You get up early every day, plow through your work day, find yourself somehow back home after a daze-filled evening commute, and probably get to bed early to get up and do it all again. This is one of the very reasons that you deserve things and people in your life who make you smile. You deserve to have something to look forward to after long days like yours. 

It is healthy, not selfish, to be clear about, and ask for what you want and need. It is healthy to hold yourself and others accountable for their words and actions.

Read all about relationship consistency on my article Relationships do you need one?

Positive words alone will not make strong relationships. Actions should match the words.

It is a common refrain: relationships are hard work. Mutual understanding is the main backbone of happy relationships. Fights are normal and rough patches are par for the course.

True as that may be, however, these platitudes can distract from legitimate causes for concern in one’s social and romantic life — including signs that a relationship may have become, or always was, toxic.

What we mean by toxic relationships?

A toxic relationship is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness. While every relationship goes through ups and downs, a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones. These are mentally, emotionally, and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants and these relationships don’t have to be romantic: friendly relationships, familial relationships, and professional relationships can all be toxic as well.

How to know if you are in a toxic relationship?

It can be tough to figure out, but there’s no need to worry. You don’t need to get rid of toxic relationships, you need to get away from the person itself.

Herein are some evident negative personality traits.

l They Never Take Responsibility

If they’re feeling angry about something, this will always be projected onto you and your life. They will make it about you and how their emotions are present because of something you’ve done. For example, they might be mad about something at work but are going to take it out on you.

They will never accept this as reality and will continue to rage. In fact, they will be ready to defend their perspective to the end if that is what it takes.

l They Are Manipulative

They will have a goal in mind, and that is going to occur regardless of your opinion. In fact, they might not even ask you about it. They will try to force you into doing something that favors their life. If you ask for something, they will push it away and remain unwilling to the end.

l They Never Apologize

Why would they apologize if it’s never their fault? This is what races through their mind, and it becomes impossible to have a coherent conversation with a person in such a state of mind. They will refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, and if you bring them up, they will blame you for wasting their time or are going to accuse you of the problems.

l They Are Judgmental

They will judge you every step of the way. Whether it’s your career, love life, clothes, or the food you’re eating, they will be there to criticize. The attention will never move towards their choices because they’ll be busy with putting you down. This becomes a common occurrence as they feed off of your perceived failures.

l They’ll Make You Defend Yourself

They will always deflect to you. This means if you are having a debate with them, they will start to pick on things you have done. This could be something as simple as the tone of your voice.You will be taken aback and might even defend your tone because you’re not a toxic person. This is what they require, and they will continue to press on this point until you forget what the main argument was about.

l They Never Support You

They will refuse to encourage, support, or care for those around them. They would rather discourage it as it brings satisfaction to them. If they notice you are making progress, they will try to bring you down by picking out faults.

l They Are Inconsistent

It is difficult to work out who you’re with when you’re with a toxic person. They can change their opinions and life narrative in an instant if it suits them. It all depends on what they need to accomplish and what they want to happen. Honesty means nothing to them.

l  They Can’t Listen to You

It doesn’t matter if you were telling the best story in the world, a toxic person doesn’t have the wherewithal to listen to you, no matter how hard they try. They are too busy thinking about themselves and how they can get something out of the interaction instead of thinking about how they can add something to it.

It’s kind of like their calling card. It doesn’t matter what you say, they’ll have something to say about it, and they don’t have good things to say about whatever topic you are discussing.

l They Will Never Go Out of Their Way for You

We all want people in our lives that are willing to help us out when we are in a jam. If you have a toxic person in your life, you’ll never be able to count on that person to help you – with anything. They’ll be sure to ask you for lots of help and you’ll feel obligated because toxic people also like to play the victim in life and they use that mentality to get others to help them.

Be aware of sudden offerings of help from people who have never bothered to even ask you how your day was until now.

l Toxic People Always Need to Have All Eyes on Them

You will know that you have a toxic person in your life because they’ll constantly be trying to take the attention away from anyone around them and focus it on themselves. If you have won an award, they’ll give a speech about themselves. If someone goes on a vacation, they’ll tell everyone about why that vacation location is terrible. They just need to be the centre of attention no matter what the reason.

l Toxic People Are Mean

Here’s the thing you need to know about toxic people: they are mean. There’s just no way around it. They are mean and don’t care about other people. They’ll make your life miserable if you let them because it makes them feel better.

What should be done now?

Relationships are complex and it may not be easy to deal with toxic people until you have learned from previous interactions.

It is important to note relationships are unique and people can have these qualities without being toxic. It has to be a combination of these traits for you to become worried about the person and what they mean to you. Never sell yourself short and keep an eye out for those who spend a lot of time with you.

If you’re doubtful, start to weigh the pros and cons to see if this is a relationship worth fighting for.

But the bottom line is this: If you feel bad about yourself as a result of a relationship with someone or your relationships, it’s time to take a step back and assess the situation. They might never change, but you can. You can limit the time you’ve had with this person and never look back.

What’s your best bet for dealing with a toxic person? Steer clear.

Always remember, You are Amazing, You are Enough, You have the Power to Change the World, and never let anyone tell or make you feel otherwise!